Irony

I just realized how much I have used this blog. It started out as an assignment just a couple of months ago, but since then, I have ran away from home, fallen in love, accidently exposed a rebel group, and broken into the Special Circumstances building.
Wow.
And I never really explained how I decorated it. Well, I did the bows and polka dots because I imagined that would be how a Pretty would decorate it. (As if a Pretty would ever keep a blog.) I put up the nature photos because I just love the majesty of the natural world, and it's a nice reminder to look at them from time to time, even now as I'm hiding out in the Rusty Ruins. I also put up the little ugly plant because it's like me. Ugly at first, but then grows and blooms into something pretty.
Anyway, this is my last blog entry. Or rather, my last blog as an ugly. Yep, I'm finally getting the operation.
I'm going to become Pretty.
You see, David and I rescued all of the Smokies, (except for his father, who was killed by Dr. Cable. My bad.) but there were some casualties. One of them was Shay.
Oh, don't worry, Shay is fine. In fact, she's perfect. She's Pretty.
She was given the operation first because she caused the most trouble out of all the Smokies. Funny how she was the first to get the last thing she wanted. That's my bad too.
Right now we're all hiding out in the Rusty Ruins, waiting for me to go get the operation. Maddy (David's mom, who used to be a doctor) thinks that she can cure the lesions, but she need someone to test them on. Since Shay won't let her try them on her, I volunteered.
It's the only choice. The only way I can redeem myself.
The plan is that I go and get the operation, then in a couple of weeks the Smokies somehow smuggle me the cure, and…
After that isn't known. I could die, or I could lose my mind. Or I could just lose the lesions.
It's funny how I used to want Prettiness so badly, but now I'm dreading the thought.
Well, that happens. Life is always changing.
And so am I.

I. Am. An. Idiot.

I hate myself.
I really, really hate myself.
Have you ever done something so colossally stupid that you feel like you don't even deserve to exist?
Yeah, that's about how I'm feeling right now.
Okay, so last night, David and I were talking (and kind of kissing too), and I realized that this was the place where I wanted to be. I wanted to spend my life here. So what I never got to be dazzlingly lovely? At least I wouldn't be a mindless drone, a creation of the city. Here I could just be Tally, and that was fine with everyone. So I took the locket that Dr. Cable gave me and threw it in the nearest campfire. (Remember when I used to hate those?) I thought that was the end. Done. Finite. So long, Dr. Cable.
Or not.
So today I woke up and everywhere people were screaming and running. I ran outside and saw hovercars everywhere and in case that has never happened to you, let me tell you: it's a very unnerving experience.
So through a series of long events, I was captured by the authorities- called Special Circumstances (who knew they were actually real?)- and reunited with my jolly good friend, Dr. Cable.
So, for future notice to anyone who manages to get their hands on a tracker, throwing your tracker into a fire doesn't destroy it. Actually, just the opposite: it sets it off. So the smarter plan is to confess to your friends that you are a spy, then ask for their forgiveness and they can help you find a way to get rid of your tracker.
So right now all of the Smoke is destroyed, and the Smokies are locked up in the Special Circumstances Headquarters. Oh, except for David. So now the two of us are off to break into the most secure building in my city, rescue about fifty people, and then escape unharmed.
See why I hate myself?

This is the locket/tracker that I tried to destroy. "Tried" being the key words. *Sigh* My life is so bogus.

Love, Losses and Lesions

Why am I always fighting with Shay? No matter what happens, I always end up in some predicament where I have to choose between Shay and something. Last time it was between Shay and Prettiness. This time it's between Shay and David.
Okay, I know that in my last post, I was totally up for ditching the Smoke as fast as I could. But so much has changed since then! I'm used to working now and I kind of actually like the feeling of hard work. I'm also used to burning trees and (kind of) eating wild animals. Remember how I said that being in the wilderness gave a sense of belonging that I hadn't felt in the city? Well, I can feel it here. We're all ugly here, so really, no one is ugly. It's changed me, somehow. Being surrounded by all of this beauty makes me feel so insignificant, and it's hard to think how I ever survived as a city kid.
David has also opened up my world to include so much more than it ever had. I guess I love him. And so does Shay. Now she thinks I'm a twisted, back-stabbing boy-stealer. But David and I are so close! We've shared so much.
I've even met David's parents. And they really opened up my eyes to what happens to Pretties. Apparently, when you turn Pretty, you get these tiny lesions in you brain that make you think differently. They make you stupid. I can't stop wondering about every Pretty I've met: Peris, my parents, my teachers; do they all have these lesions? How totally and completely bogus.
I don't want to be a Pretty anymore.
I don't want to choose between David and Shay.
I wish my life wasn't so complicated.

The Smoke Is VERY Smoky

I have officially made it to the smoke.
And it is very, very smoky.
Turns out that they actually BURN trees here. Yes, they burn real trees. I can't believe what I've gotten myself into.
Well, at least Shay was happy to see me. I had to go through this crazy wildfire (long story- turns out there are these pretties who burn down the flowers for a living), go on a ride in this huge Rusty flying contraption, and then when I finally got here, it turns out that Dr. Cable (the psychotic leader of the authorities) posted a fake tracker on me (the Smokies don't know about the real tracker-me).
Anyway, back to the story: So Shay was happy to see me. It is happy-making to see her again, but I can't fully accept her kindness, because of the whole traitor thing. And guess what? It turns that David is real. Apparently he grew up here in the Smoke, and he is some kind of a leader here. He was fine with me showing up, but there is one guy who I'm not sure about. His name is Croy, and later he was totally asking me these questions about when I left, how much food I had left, and stuff like that. I came up with a couple lies, but I'm not sure if he believed me. *Sigh*
Anyway, I still have the golden locket that Dr. Cable gave me. She told me to just hold it to my eye when I get here. I almost did it earlier, but Shay caught me. Now she thinks I'm in love with someone (Haha, how bogus.) Anyway, I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to do it. I think I'll just settle in for a while and then do it. No point in rushing.

The first picture is an actual fire made of actual trees, and the second picture is of a kind of soup, made from *gag* animals. I know, how barbaric.

Nature

The farthest I've ever been from a city was out visiting the Rusty Ruins. Ever. Evereverever. So now I'm kinda wondering what I'm really doing out here. I've been out here now for three days. Shay's directions are so confusing, and I've had some narrow brushes with disaster. I've printed a copy of Shay's directions here:

Take the coaster straight past the gap,

until you find the one that's long and flat.

Cold is the sea and watch for breaks.

At the second make the worst mistake.

Four days later take the side you despise,

and look in the flowers for the fire-bug eyes.

Once they're found, enjoy the flight.

Then wait on the bald head until it's light.

Just today I almost smashed into the ocean because I wasn't paying attention; I didn't watch for breaks. Anyway, besides going on this bogus ride and trying to convince myself that what I'm doing is right, I've taken time to notice the nature around me.

This is a Rusty-style flatscreen photo I took of the cliff that was almost gravesite.

After I took this photograph, I couldn't help but notice how, well, pretty, everything was. The wild has its own unplanned, uninterupted beauty that makes the city look kind of dull in comparison. It has a splendor, a magnificence that you can't find in the city.

On the other hand, the city has beds, buildings and a hole in the wall that gives you clean clothes and medicine.

But while I'm out here, I just get this feeling of belonging, this connection to the wild. It feels so free out here. I hate that I'm alone without friends, robots or anything else the city has to offer, and at the same time I love everything about it.

Wow, I really think I need some sleep.

Friendship or Beauty?

Remember that friend I wrote about? Well, her name is Shay. She's a really cool person, and way different from any other friend I've had before. She showed me a lot of things I had never seen or done before, like hoverboarding and visiting the Rusty Ruins. We've totally bonded over the fact that all of our friends have turned Pretty before us, and we've gotten really close. So now you're probably wondering, "Tally, if you guys are such great friends, why are you writing all of this totally bogus crap?" Well, their is one slight problem: Shay ran away.

Yeah. That's bad. When we were making morphos last time, Shay and I got into this fight, and now she ran away because she doesn't want the operation. Doesn't want to become Pretty. Doesn't want a life of beauty, glamour, and fun. I know that it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel a little guilty. So now the freakishly beautiful/scary authorites have given me this totally bogus choice: turn in Shay, or stay ugly forever.

...I'm not sure what do. I just can't betray Shay, but all I've ever wanted was to be Pretty. What do I do?!? Do I turn in my friend just for a life of fun and gorgeousness? (I'm too stressed to care if that's a word or not.) Okay, so: If I track her down, they'll make me pretty (good) but they may hurt Shay (bad). If I don't track her down, I stay ugly (BADBADBAD!) but Shay stays ugly too (good for her). But what if this "David" guy she keeps talking about isn't real and she gets lost in the wild? Or, worse yet, what if he's some creepy ugly-loser and he does something to her? It's almost like I'm talking myself into... oh, crap, who am I kidding? I want to be Pretty too bad.

Why Sixteen?

Here are some of the morphos (designs that show what I could look like when I turn Pretty) that I've made. The last one was my first ever morpho, so it's a little unfinished. Okay, so one of my teacher gave me this assignment to make a "blog" to talk about myself, share my interests, to let her know my whole life's story. Totally bogus. But anyway, I'm Tally, and here's the deal:
Age: 15
Height: Who cares? Not tall enough!

Weight: Typical Ugly weight (Yuck!)

Eyes: Two (And they're brown. Just in case you wanted to know.)

Nose: Oversize

Hair: Plain, dirt-colored brown

Anyway, as you might notice, I'm not entirely happy with my features. Actually, that is an understatement: I hate the way I look. And who wouldn't? I'm just a regular ugly, living in a city were Pretties are given everything. I mean, they have their own little world over there! I can see it from my window: the tall buildings, overflowing with gorgeous people partying the night away, swollen hot-air balloons swaying gently in the night's breeze. Mansions, pleasure gardens, crazy parties, all filled with new Pretties. My friend Peris is over there somewhere. It's so bogus that you have to be sixteen to turn Pretty. There's only a few more weeks until my birthday, and I'm counting ever minute. All I want to is be Pretty. I can't imagine what there is out in the world other than being Pretty. It's all I think about. I don't know why some people choose not to get the operation; it seems like a much better alternative than being ugly for the rest of your life. But I met a new friend last night, and she doesn't want to turn Pretty, which is so bogus. But now she doesn't want me to turn Pretty either, even though I want to. I don't want to loser her friendship, but not become pretty? It's a lot to ask for. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.